A woman who was paralysed in a freak riding accident has written about the first time she had sex with her husband with no feeling in her sexual organs.
Benita Lambert, 51, from Willand, Devon, has been blogging about her life-changing ordeal after falling from her daughter’s pony nearly 18 months ago.
In her most recent blog post, Benita told how her first sexual encounter with her husband after the accident left her in tears – and fearing Matt, 42, would feel like he was ‘having sex with a slab of meat’ as she had lost all sensation in that area.
Benita was left with a serious spine injury, a broken eye socket, multiple broken ribs and a punctured lung after she reared the pony up and it fell on top of her shortly before her 50th bithday.
Candid: In a blog post dated February 14, Benita Lambert has admitted her first sexual encounter with husband Matt following her accident was ‘alcohol fuelled’
Freak accident: Benita was left with a serious spine injury, a broken eye socket, multiple broken ribs and a punctured lung after she reared the pony up and it fell on top of her
The mother-of-two has been blogging about her recovery on a called The Unnecessary Pessary, the continuation, and has now broached the issue of sex – the subject she said she feared discussing most.
In her post dated February 14, Benita admitted her first sexual encounter with husband Matt following her accident was ‘alcohol fuelled’.
She admitted that although she has no feeling in her sexual organs, the mum-of-two said she was desperate to feel passionate and desired by her husband Matt, 42, as a woman again.
She said she has gone public on her intimacy battle as no-one talks about it in rehab and there were a lot of things she would have wanted to know.
Benita’s paraplegia means her legs below the knee don’t work, and she has no feeling up the back of her legs, along with paralysis around her core, which includes everything from just above her bikini line downwards to the tops of her thighs.
She explained: ‘So essentially I have no sensation in my sexual organs whatsoever.
Benita Lambert and her husband Matt with their son Matthew. The mother-of-to has been blogging about her recovery on a Facebook page called The Unnecessary Pessary, the continuation
‘Obviously in the early days of recovery and rehabilitation, every day was a day of discovering what I could feel, what I couldn’t feel and what I may eventually be able to feel.
‘It took me ages to muster up the courage to have sex. I was excruciatingly aware that although I still felt like me and essentially looked like me, it realistically wasn’t the same me as before the accident.
‘I think when you care for someone as completely as Matt cared for me, there comes a point when sympathy and compassion wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
‘I wanted passion. I wanted to feel like I was still sexually attractive, that although my legs didn’t work, I was still viable as a woman and above all I was desired above all. But that’s a hard ask when you see someone as utterly stripped back as I was in the beginning.
Benita (pictured during her recovery in hospital) admitted that although she has no feeling in her sexual organs, she was desperate to feel passionate and desired by her husband Matt
‘All I wanted was to still be considered desirable. I think in the absence of my legs, I was desperate for the affirmation that I was still valid and that my husband would not just see me as a pity party but the wife and sexual partner that he had married.’
Benita said she had several conversations with Matt and felt he ‘didn’t want to break me any more’ so for https://andreanum.org/ a long it was decided to abstain was easier than trying to find a sexual position that her restricted movement would allow.
But she said when they finally did have sex again, it was worth it.
She said: ‘It was like old times and the feeling of being desired was better than any orgasm which was just as well as there was nothing. Nada. Not a twitch, not a tingle, absolutely nothing.
Benita Lambert enjoying a pampering session in hospital with her daughter Taylor, following her life-changing accident almost 18 months ago
‘Matt doesn’t know this but after, with my friends, I bawled. Life will be what it will be but I figured if my legs had been taken then it seemed only fair that I be left with some sexual pleasure but it seems science and my nervous column thought otherwise.
‘I didn’t tell Matt; why not? Because I didn’t want him to think he was making love to a slab of meat. Should I tell him? I figured that would be no fun and as he would know and then any chemistry would be lost immediately, reducing the act to a mechanical drill which neither of us would particularly enjoy.
‘So I kept quiet and harboured a bitter resentment towards my body for its betrayal.’
Benita has gone on to tell how they have made love a few more times since and have talked more about it, but has only been able to confess all in her writing.
The mother-of-two in hospital with her son. Benita’s hope is that by talking openly about the subject, it may help others who suffer a similar fate as her own by giving them the answers they really want, and she would have liked to have known
Benita (pictured during her recovery) admits her and her partner have made love a few more times since and have talked more about it, but has only been able to confess all in her writing
She said: ‘I fear that if I confess my failings as a woman that he will find me repulsive. I know this is not true but this is how I feel deep down inside when I see women who can walk and dance and orgasm.
‘He is not fickle in that way and I know how much he loves me but in the quiet moments, in the dark of night, I wonder if he doesn’t long for our old life. I know I do at times and I wouldn’t be a hypocrite and resent him if he did.
‘But we have intimacy and we have talked and I have definitely attempted to not focus on the negative of no feeling and to focus instead on the parts that do have feeling, and sometimes it’s fun to be stroked and see what has feeling and what doesn’t.
Benita’s hope is that by talking openly about the subject, it may help others who suffer a similar fate as her own by giving them the answers they really want, and she would have liked to have known.
She added: ‘Recovery will continue and you never know, maybe one day I will orgasm again. I know it’s such an embarrassing subject to cover but statistically the majority of female SCI injuries are more senior ladies so the answers were not always as frank as I was looking for.’
‘Freak’ accident that changed Benita’s life forever
Horse-lover Benita was rushed to hospital for spinal surgery after breaking her back, her eye socket and multiple ribs in the September 2016 accident.
She also suffered a punctured lung and feared she would die during the terrifying incident that took place while she was on a fun-ride.
Benita said: ‘It was just a freak accident because I was riding my daughter’s pony and then she reared up, so I came off.
‘I didn’t want to let go in case she ran off in a field she didn’t know, so I pulled her back and she fell right on top of me.
‘I should have let go. I heard a crunch so I knew it had done some damage. I was conscious the whole time but looking back it just seems a blur.
‘I honestly thought I would die because when my ribs broke I couldn’t breathe, and I knew I couldn’t feel my legs.
‘But I was alive and didn’t care about anything else at that point.’
Mrs Lambert, who is married to Matt and has two children Taylor and Matthew, was about to book a dream holiday to New York in 2017 to celebrate her 50th birthday.
But she said her life was turned upside down by the accident that happened on September 30 2016.
She said: ‘Ironically I was on a “fun” ride. Luckily, I was with a school teacher called Sally McDermott who uses the same livery yard as me in Ashill.
‘If it wasn’t for her, things could have been worse because she had done first aid and knew exactly what to do and not to move me and keep me still, which probably saved any further damage.’
Mrs Lambert was taken by Devon Air Ambulance to Derriford Hospital in Plymouth where she was immediately operated on to realign her spinal cord.
Ten months later, in July 2017, she was able to take her first steps walking on crutches.